FAQ

常問問題關於aromanticism 和 aromantic spectrum人的生活。

一般資訊

什麼是無浪漫傾向（aromanticism)？
無浪漫傾向和性傾向有什麼關係？
浪漫吸引力是什麼感覺？
無浪漫者能夠愛別人嗎？
無浪漫者會因為沒有浪漫關係而感到孤單嗎？
無浪漫者會擁有什麼類型的關係？
什麼是酷兒柏拉圖式關係（queerplatonic relationship，縮寫 QPR）？
酷兒柏拉圖式關係和友情有什麼不同？
現行的無浪漫旗幟是哪一個？

無浪漫認同的疑問🚧

How do I know if I’m aromantic?
Is it OK to identify as aromantic if I (want to) have a relationship?
Is it OK to identify as aromantic if I have, want to have, or have been in a romantic relationship?
Is it OK to identify as aromantic if I want to do something that is romance-coded (such as kiss, cuddle or hold hands with people)?
Is it OK to identify as aromantic if I enjoy romantic stories?
Can I be aromantic if I’m not asexual?

無浪漫處境的兩難

I realized I’m aromantic while I’m in a romantic relationship, what can I do?
My friend/family member just came out as aromantic, how do I support them?
I came out as aromantic to someone and they responded in a dismissive way, what can I do?
My partner came out as aromantic, what can I do now?
I think my partner may be aromantic, what can I do now?
How do I tell someone I want to be in a _ relationship with them?
I identify as aromantic, but I think I have romantic feelings for someone. Can I still identify as aromantic?
I’m writing an aromantic character, how do I make sure my portrayal doesn’t come across as offensive?

一般資訊

答：無浪漫傾向是浪漫傾向（romantic orientation）的一種，用來描述那些對浪漫愛的經驗感受與社會主流期待不一致的人。這通常是因為他們感受不到浪漫吸引力，或是感受程度很低，也可能是因為他們對浪漫愛感到排斥，或者對浪漫關係缺乏興趣（請參考基本用語）。大部分的無浪漫者不會墜入愛河，他們對傳統意義上的浪漫舉動（例如親吻）則有不同的接受程度－有人喜歡，有人對這些行為無感，也有人完全反感。有些無浪漫者保持單身，也有些人擁有伴侶或選擇結婚。這些都是無浪漫群體當中的個別差異。

答：無浪漫者可以是任何性傾向，也可以沒有性傾向。無浪漫傾向形容一個人對「浪漫吸引力」的感受，而性傾向則是形容一個人對「性吸引力」的感受，因此兩者可以並存。在無浪漫光譜的群體中，有不少人使用「分別吸引力模型」這個詞彙來描述他們對不同類型吸引力的感受 （包括浪漫吸引力和性吸引力） 。也有些人只認同於其中一種傾向 （例如：無浪漫傾向），而這些人往往不會對自己所感受到的吸引力去做區分。

答：一般人認為浪漫吸引力是一種對一個人近乎痴迷的感覺，導致你難以用客觀的方式看待他，就是所謂的愛慕或迷戀（crush or infatuation）。無論你是否選擇展開追求，在感受到浪漫吸引力時，多數會有希望與對方進入浪漫關係的想法，或是會想像和對方在浪漫關係中的情境。大部分無浪漫者沒有親身體會過這種感受。

答：無浪漫傾向並不是決定一個人是否有能力感受到愛的指標，這點因人而異。大部分的無浪漫者不會感受到浪漫吸引力，也不會墜入愛河，但在無浪漫光譜上也有些人會感受到浪漫吸引力（只是可能不常感受到，或是感受的方式和大部分的人不同），並能夠經驗到浪漫愛。

其實愛有很多種類，像是家人之間的愛、朋友之間的愛、夥伴之間的愛、對寵物的愛、對自然的愛等，差別只是大部分無浪漫者所經歷的愛，並非戀人之間的浪漫愛而已。

答：浪漫關係並非一個人是否感到孤單的關鍵因素。一個人是否感到孤單，取決於他對於接觸別人和親近別人的需求，以及他在所處環境中有多大程度能夠滿足這個需求。對許多有浪漫者來說，他們主要的支持系統就是他們的浪漫伴侶，而無浪漫者的支持系統則可能是他們的朋友、伴侶（無論是否為浪漫關係）、家人等。影響一個人是否感到孤單的主要因素，在於他是否擁有支持系統，而不是他的浪漫傾向。

答：很多無浪漫者樂於且主動選擇保持單身，也有一些無浪漫者會尋求各式各樣的伴侶關係，像是酷兒柏拉圖式關係、浪漫關係、自選家庭（chosen family）等。無論是否選擇建立具承諾的伴侶關係，無浪漫者可能都有對他們來說十分重要的朋友關係和家人關係。有時候可以用無愛情（nonamorous）或無伴侶（nonpartnering）來形容這些選擇不進入承諾關係的人。

答：酷兒柏拉圖式關係是一種具有承諾性的非浪漫關係，而且這樣的關係超出主觀文化常規定義下的友情。在普遍認為友情不比親情和愛情重要的社會環境裡，這個詞可以用來強調酷兒友情的重要性。酷兒柏拉圖伴侶（queerplatonic partners，QPP）之間的親密程度及展現親密的行為，往往不符合社會慣俗所認定的標準。有一些酷兒柏拉圖式關係可能會包含了性和傳統意義上的浪漫舉動，但實際上，每段酷兒柏拉圖式關係都不一樣。如果你想更了解這方面的專有名詞，可以查看基本用語。

答：酷兒柏拉圖式關係的親密程度超出文化常規所認知的友情，但又不是浪漫關係。一個人所認為的酷兒柏拉圖式關係，在另一個人眼中可能看起來像是友情，這取決於這段關係中所包含的行為、主觀感受及承諾的強度。一個人所認為的酷兒柏拉圖式關係，也可能在其他人眼中類似於浪漫關係。最重要的是處於關係中的人認同他們之間的關係超出他們所處文化所定義的友情，因此怎樣才算是一段酷兒柏拉圖式關係是非常主觀的。

答：目前無浪漫社群內通用的無浪漫旗幟由五個橫條組成，由上至下分別是綠色、淺綠色、白色、灰色和黑色，是由 Tumblr 用戶 cameronwhimsy 所設計的。綠色和淺綠色代表了無浪漫光譜上所有的人，白色用來強調非浪漫關係（例如友情、親情、酷兒柏拉圖式關係，以及各式各樣的吸引力和非浪漫的愛）的重要性，而灰色和黑色則代表性傾向光譜。

這個版本是目前最常見的，但在它之前還有兩個版本。最初的版本由四個橫條組成，由上至下分別是綠色、黃色、橘色和黑色。這個版本奠定了綠色作為無浪漫傾向的代表顏色，因為綠色是紅色的對比色，而紅色一般象徵愛情。

但因為最初的版本和拉斯塔法里教（Rastafari）的旗幟過於相似，所以旗幟重新設計成第二個版本，它由五個橫條組成，由上至下分別是綠色、淺綠色、黃色、灰色和黑色，同樣是由 cameronwhimsy 設計的。

由於這個顏色組合容易使人產生視覺疲勞，所以黃色改成了白色，成為了現在使用的版本。

無浪漫認同的疑問 🚧

A: Everyone discovers that they’re aromantic in different ways. It’s often done through comparing oneself to peers, reflecting on what constitutes romance in one’s culture and whether that makes sense to that person, or is something they want to participate in. Here is a list of some common aro experiences that might help you figure out if you’re aromantic:

• Some aromantic people don’t want to find a romantic partner, don’t feel enthusiastic about the idea, make up excuses for why they aren’t looking for a romantic partner, and/or feel like it’s something they’re being forced into.

• Some aromantic people want to find a romantic partner, but aren’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with any person that they meet. They also may reject opportunities to enter into romantic relationships.

• Some aromantic people feel uncomfortable in romantic relationships with people they generally liked, often feeling as though their romantic partner loves them more than they love that partner.

• Romantic actions don’t come naturally to some aromantic people; those actions may feel like a script to act out to make their partner happy.

• Some aromantic people have never fallen in love and they don’t find the idea that they could exciting.

• Some aromantic people wish they had fallen in love or had a crush, but it doesn’t happen.

• Some aromantic people have fallen in love or had crushes, but it occurred rarely or under specific circumstances.

• Some aromantic people are confused as to why other people are so preoccupied with romance.

• Some aromantic people assume that other people are making up and/or exaggerating romantic attraction and their infatuations.

• Some aromantic people aren’t able to tell whether their affection for a person who they like is platonic or romantic.

• The same affectionate actions — such as cuddling, receiving heartfelt gifts, terms of endearment etc. — can feel comfortable or uncomfortable to some aromantic people depending on whether they are intended to be romantic or not.

• Some aromantic people may want to go on dates with friends and aren’t able to tell if that means their feelings are romantic or not.

• Some aromantic people consciously choose who to have a crush on instead of it happening spontaneously, or lie about having a crush when asked.

• Some aromantic people don’t notice others flirting with them or that their own behavior is perceived as flirtatious by others.

• Some aromantic people are surprised when they hear about people getting together, be it in real life or fiction. To them those people just met or don’t know each other well.

• Some aromantic people feel very uncomfortable when someone tells them they’re in love with them or have a crush on them. This may include feeling anxiety, dread, guilt, panic, or as though a responsibility has been put upon them.

• Some aromantic people may develop romantic interest in someone only when they tell them they’re in love with them or have a crush on them.

• For some aromantic people, the thought of romance must be prompted. They may see romance in media, have relatives ask if they’re seeing someone, or have their friends discuss their dating lives for this line of thinking to occur. They may think about romance briefly and forget about it again.

• Some aromantic people may enjoy flirting as a fun conversation and don’t have intentions for it to lead to dating or romantic relationships.

• Some aromantic people may be told they give solid dating advice, because they seem to have an objective view.

If you’re questioning, we can also recommend the following resources, where aromantics talk about the signs of their aromanticism:

More “you might be aromantic if…” statements (original, archived)

People discussing the early signs of their aromanticism

A: Yes, you can identify as aromantic and (want to) have a relationship. Some aromantic people are in long term committed relationships. The aromantics who do choose to pursue committed relationships sometimes use terms like amorous/partnering to describe that attitude. Relationships that those aromantic people seek may be nonromantic or romantic. Some nonromantic forms of committed relationships include queerplatonic relationships, aromates, and chosen family. Some aromantic people also practice relationship anarchy.

A: Yes, you can identify as aromantic and (want to) have a romantic relationship. You can also identify as aromantic if you have been in a relationship before. Romantic relationships are an option for aromantic people, though many feel uncomfortable with romance. In general, romantic relationships are simply one kind of interpersonal relationship, and are not necessarily dependent on feelings of attraction. As long as both you and your partner(s) are comfortable calling your relationship romantic, feel free to use that label.

A: Yes, you can identify as aromantic and want that. Some aromantic people enjoy participating in behaviors that are romance-coded in their culture, like kissing or cuddling. For most of these aromantic people those are behaviors with non-romantic intent and they would be uncomfortable with those same behaviors with romantic intent behind them. There are some aromantics who are comfortable with those behaviors even if they have romantic intent behind them.

A: Yes, you can identify as aromantic and enjoy romantic stories. In general, people enjoy certain things in fiction that they wouldn’t want to be part of in real life themselves. It is worth noting that aromantic people who may like reading about romance wouldn’t necessarily be more comfortable with seeing romantic gestures in person. Some aromantic people have the experience of seeing stories about romance as unreal but fascinating, similar to stories about magic.

A: Yes, aromanticism and asexuality don’t have to go together. There are aromantic people who are asexual, aromantic people who are allosexual, and aromantics who don’t identify with any sexual orientation. Right now, a significant number of self-identified aromantic people is also asexual, because the term originated in asexual communities. As more people learn about aromanticism we may see a change in the makeup of our communities.

Dilemmas

A: This is a difficult situation to be in, but don’t worry, you’re not alone - many aromantic people have been there. You can think about what you want to do that would be the best for yourself now that you know. Do you want your partner(s) to know about your identity? Do you want to change something in the relationship that would make you more comfortable in it? Are you uncomfortable in this relationship and wish to break up with your partner(s)? Take the time to have an honest conversation with your partner(s) about your identity and what it means to you. Bring up what you’d like from the relationship and ask your partner(s) what they’d like from the relationship. You can talk about your boundaries around romance, if you have any, and bring up alternative kinds of relationships to see what will work best for you. Good luck!

A: Every aromantic person will have different needs when it comes to support. You can ask what this person wants you to know about their aromanticism. Ask if there are any expectations that the person doesn’t want associated with them. Some examples include the expectation to have a partner or marry and have kids with a romantic partner. You can ask what kinds of relationships and levels of intimacy they are comfortable with. You can do some of your own research, keeping in mind that the needs of each aromantic person will be different, and you can ask your friend/family member how to best support them and make sure you’re doing it in a way that is helpful. Above all, let the person know that you believe them and give them space to be themselves.

A: We’re sorry that happened to you - it’s a difficult situation to be in and there’s unfortunately no solution that fits every case, but your safety should be the priority. When evaluating safety, consider if the person you came out to is a person you are dependent on for your livelihood, and if yes - do you have someone who could help you in case anything goes wrong. In case of minors, this also means a person or an organization that could provide any legal help. Consider if the bad reaction is reflective of the person’s overall opinions about people deviating from the norm and how they speak about such people, for example if threats of violence are made. Take into account the attitude towards talking about feelings and willingness to admit mistakes and apologize in your environment.

If you feel that you have enough support in case things go wrong, talk with the person about how their reaction made you feel. Sometimes people don’t realize the extent to which their words affect you and having an open conversation about it can help build understanding. If you don’t feel that having this kind of conversation is an option now or in the future, you can talk about it with someone who is supportive of you, be it a friend, family member, or an online group. If you don’t have anyone trusted to turn to yet, we can recommend finding an aromantic space (such as a forum, blog - see our online resources) to talk about it with people who understand. It’s easier to handle rude or dismissive behavior when you have someone in your corner.

A: This depends on what you and your partner want from your relationship and what was the intention for telling you about their aromanticism. Figuring out that one is aromantic can be a difficult process, because it's not a narrative that is generally accessible - some people may even not believe being aromantic is possible. Due to this, some aromantic people may enter romantic relationships for various reasons. This is why it’s important to know what your partner’s aromanticism means to them to see how it may affect your relationship. Some people want to share this part of themselves with you because you’re an important person to them, some want to break up because they realized a romantic relationship is not for them. Some may want to leave your relationship as it is, some may want to renegotiate - maybe certain actions are uncomfortable to them, maybe they want not to call your relationship “romantic” but for example “queerplatonic”. There isn’t one solution that fits all and a honest talk with your partner about yours and theirs feelings and expectations can help you figure out what to do.

A: Your partner may have talked about some of the aromantic experiences or you notice some of them or other signs that they may in general not experience romantic attraction in a normative way. You could bring up the concept to them, especially if this seems to be a source of distress to them and they believe that every other person is able to feel romantic attraction. If they indeed identify with aromanticism, for some this may be a joyous realization and some may feel like they’re broken, and finding communities of people who are also aromantic can help - take a look at our online and offline resources. You can talk about what this means for your relationship, since every aromantic person will have different needs, feelings and expectations. See My partner came out as aromantic, what can I do now?

A: First you can make sure that the other person knows what kind of a relationship it is. Explain the term if they don’t know it and sit down with that person to have a frank conversation about what exactly you’d like in that relationship. Ask what that person would like and discuss your boundaries around certain behaviors, exclusivity or the lack of it. Good luck!

A: Aromanticism is defined as experiencing little to no romantic attraction. That means that there are aromantics who feel romantic attraction infrequently, under specific circumstances or otherwise nonnormatively. The crucial thing is that they still identify with the aromantic experiences more than they do with the alloromantic experiences. We’re diverse - you can take a look at all the aromantic spectrum identities (in our glossary) that describe various ways of feeling or not feeling romantic attraction. Maybe you can find people who had experiences similar to yours!

A: The best thing you can do is to make a character’s aromanticism one part of them. You can have the identity affect their behavior (for example, being oblivious to other character’s romantic feelings), but flesh out the character beyond that. Give them a personality independent of their aromanticism. You could use the resources (including feed and glossary) on this website to inform yourself better on aromanticism and experiences aromantic people have. We’re a very diverse group of people. Be explicit when you’re writing a contemporary aromantic character. Either have them use the label themselves or mention it in narration - this way more people will be able to find out about aromanticism. Good luck!