Life as an Aromantic Author
Written by Kristiana Sfirlea, guest contributor
Word count: 1153 words
Estimated reading time: approx. 5 minutes
At fifteen years old, hearing the word “aromantic” would’ve changed my life.
But like so many aros growing up, I knew nothing about aromanticism. I didn’t have the right words to describe my experience, but I still had words. I was an author, after all. Give an author words, and they can do anything. I felt so lonely in my world, so I created another world, one that accepted my experience and fulfilled my longings. I created characters, a girl named Rose and a boy named Marek, who were legend seekers, ghost hunters, time travelers together. They were perfect for each other, Rose with her magical storm cloud that follows her around and Marek with his shadow magic. My dark and stormy night. They loved each other in a way I’d always wanted to love someone. And their love was deeply, intrinsically, inescapably not romantic.
Not that everyone understood this. While Rose and Marek’s first book of The Stormwatch Diaries, Legend of the Storm Sneezer, was on submission to publishers, I got my first taste of aphobia in the publishing industry. Rejections—and lots of them—are a regular part of finding a publishing home, but one rejection I received left a painful mark. As my agent put it, “Brace yourself. They didn’t sugarcoat it.” This publisher rejected my book because they thought Marek was “creepy” because of his close relationship with Rose and their five-year age difference. They assumed their relationship was romantic or romance-coded because of its closeness. They couldn’t fathom that depth of love within a platonic relationship.
But the bitterest defeats make for the sweetest victories. Not long after, I landed a contract with Monster Ivy Publishing who adored Rose and Marek and saw them for what they truly are. Legend of the Storm Sneezer released, and the response from readers was unanimous: Rose and Marek’s non-romantic relationship was the crowning jewel of the story, and my audience couldn’t get enough of it.
Four months after Legend of the Storm Sneezer’s publication, at twenty-one years old, I heard the term “aromantic” for the first time. Everything inside me shifted, and something huge and momentous clicked into place. I understood myself in a way I never had before, and it was exhilarating. After coming out to myself, I heard a knock on the door of my imagination. When I opened it up, there were Rose and Marek, grinning like idiots and waving aromantic flags. They had come out, too.
By this point, the second installment of The Stormwatch Diaries, Legend of the Rainbow Eater, had already been written, so while Rose and Marek still gave off major aro vibes, I couldn’t write a coming out subplot in that particular book. But I started writing short stories featuring aromantic leads and themes exploring amatonormativity. One story was called “The Headless Henwoman and the Kissing Curse” about a ghost girl who died without ever being kissed and is just fine with that, thank you very much—until the Headless Horseman calls it a curse and comes to drag her soul to hell. Another was called “After Happily Ever” about an aromantic marriage counselor for fairy tale couples who ends up on the wrong end of a love spell that threatens to ruin her relationship with her best friend…and her career. Both stories were finalists in the Realm Awards, which recognize excellence in speculative fiction, and “After Happily Ever” took home the award for Best Short Story. My acceptance speech highlighted my joy over having aromantic representation in my community to a group of people who had probably never heard the term “aromantic” in their life. It was amazing and terrifying.
That experience sparked something in me. I realized I was ready to put Rose and Marek’s coming out on paper and to connect their experience to my own. Publicly. I began writing the third book of The Stormwatch Diaries, Legend of the Tempest Teaser, with a significant subplot of Rose and Marek realizing and accepting their aromantic identity. I felt a poetic sense of healing. Rose was fifteen years old when she accepted herself as aromantic. I was writing the story of my fifteen-year-old self the way it should’ve gone. In June 2023, I made a post about myself and my characters and our identities as lesser-known queer folks. What started as a simple post featuring the rainbow cover of one of my books metamorphosed into the most painful experience of my publishing career.
At the time, my publisher Monster Ivy Publishing and I had a contract with another publisher to create school curriculum for my first book, Legend of the Storm Sneezer. It was an exciting opportunity—one that pulled the rug out from under me when this publisher abruptly canceled our contract. Their reason? Because Rose and Marek are aromantic and asexual.
I could go into what happened next—the social media influencers this publisher partnered with to put on a smear campaign that made fun of my gender expression, my identities as an aromantic and asexual person, and calling me a “child sexualizer” for giving my teenage characters sexualities and romantic orientations that aren’t straight—but that isn’t the point. The point is that this publisher still loved Rose and Marek. They expressed utter (and utterly misguided) betrayal that this amazing relationship between my characters was in no small part because my characters are aromantic. It scared them. That’s what aphobia is: irrational fear of aromantic and asexual people because they’re different. They challenge societal norms.
That’s one of the lessons I gleaned from this awful experience. The world needs aromantic representation in media. Alloromantic people need to fall in love (non-romantically, of course) with aromantic characters to realize that they aren’t broken or wrong or a threat because they challenge the way society views romance. And aromantic people need to see themselves in media for almost the exact same reasons. I am SO PROUD to be an aromantic author bringing aromantic characters to life in books for both these audiences. This is my activism. This is how I spread awareness and fight aphobia in my community.
And what a community I have. From my publisher to my writer friends to my readership, so many of the people I interact with have been kind and curious and welcoming. They’ve come to the defense of me and my characters. They’ve shown love and appreciation for our identities. They’ve asked me to be a sensitivity reader for their own aromantic characters. It’s a beautiful thing, my community. And it keeps on expanding. So if you’re interested in reading a fantasy series where aromantic characters and QPRs abound, I hope you’ll check out The Stormwatch Diaries. Rose and Marek’s aromantic coming-out journey hits shelves October 24th, 2023 in Book #3 of The Stormwatch Diaries, Legend of the Tempest Teaser! Follow me online @KristianasQuill or check out my website www.KristianasQuill.com to learn more.