A report on the Aromantic Aces Discussion (International Asexuality Conference 2021)

Written by Rachel Fischer, Word Count: 930 words
Guest contributor Estimated reading time: 5 minutes


This year an astounding 1700 people from 80 different countries, and all continents except Antarctica, braved the global time zone differences to virtually attend the International Asexuality Conference. The conference, organized by AVEN and the Asexual Association Denmark, convened August 14-15 to coincide with WorldPride 2021 in Copenhagen. The conference was hosted by Ace activists Yasmin Benoit and Courtney Lane.

Like the diversity of attendees, the conference sessions featured Ace community members from around the world. The conference featured two types of sessions, recorded panel discussions on YouTube, and informal discussions on Discord. Some of the topics included sessions for specific geographic regions and ethnic groups, gender identity, media representation, relationships, religion, mental health and disabilities, parenting, activism, research and even Aromantic Aces. If you missed the conference, or a specific session, recorded panel discussions are available for viewing on the AVEN Livestreams Youtube channel

The Aromantic Aces discussion occurred on Discord on Sunday, August 15th. The discussion was led by Christa Ventresca (she/they) and Nicolas (he/they). This was Christa’s second year volunteering for an Ace conference. They volunteered to lead multiple sessions after enjoying their time as a volunteer for the 2020 UK Asexuality Conference. Nicolas has been an Ace and Aro activist for 2 years. They volunteered to lead the discussions because they’re interested in increasing awareness of aromanticism, and the differences and similarities between asexuality and aromanticism. They would like to see more aro spaces for discussion created in the near future. 

Up to 88 people tuned into the Aromantic Aces discussion at any given time. All attendees were welcome to unmute themselves and contribute the discussion on the Discord Stage or participate in the text chat. The discussion leaders posed questions to prompt the attendees to participate in the discussion. The first point of discussion was on how one’s romantic orientation and sexual orientation impacted each other throughout one’s life and experiences. Much of the discussion centered around the importance of the aromantic identity because it is not as understood and accepted as asexuality. It is more difficult to deviate from the romantic norm in relationships due to how ingrained it is in culture. For example, the theory of amatonormativity prioritizes romantic relationships over platonic relationships. The next discussion topic centered on the awareness of the aromantic spectrum and experiences. Participants that identify with different identities along the spectrum shared their experiences with romance and relationships, including romantic, QPR, and platonic relationships, as well as varying forms of attractions. As the discussion began to wind down, attendees shared advise for communicating with friends about relationships and online resources. Chat topics also included discussion on an interest in romantic characters in literature and shipping in fandom.

I asked the discussion leaders and an attendee if they would share meaningful takeaways from the discussion. Christa found the whole conference energizing. She commented that at past conferences, Aroaces had been a panel discussion. This didn’t allow the participants to contribute much. So allowing the discussion to take place informally was a terrific change and allowed aros to connect with each other.  It was personally meaningful for Christa to see the diversity of the aromantic community, including different identities along the spectrum, relationship experiences and varying romantic preferences, highlighted in the discussion. A key takeaway for Christa were the common struggles that aromantic people experience, like a desire to value friendships more than romantic relationships and how difficult it can be to talk to allo friends about feelings. A key takeaway for Nicolas was a discussion around the dehumanization of the arospec community from a societal perspective and how we view ourselves. For example, participants commented on the realization that love did not have to be romantic but can be for friends or pets. Not loving someone romantically doesn’t make one less of a person. 

Ternary (they/them), an attendee, first learned about asexuality from a classmate when they commented that they never had a crush on anyone. Researching asexuality on AVEN’s website led them to discover aromanticism. Ternary commented, “[It] took me a little bit to feel comfortable labeling myself [because] I felt like I was too young to know, but really I knew it described me pretty early on and now they're very important to my identity, especially being aromantic. Being aro and understanding amatonormativity has changed the way I interact with the world and it's an important part of the ways I understand the way my life will go and how I move through the world. Being aroace led me to communities that introduced me to other perspectives on political and social issues and that's also influenced the way I understand other parts of my identity.” Attending the conference helped Ternary to put their thoughts into words on the ways that being aroace is different from being alloromantic and ace. Ternary found the chat discussion on being loveless and aroace to be personally meaningful. After the discussion ended Ternary documented their thoughts on the topic of how love has been used to justify abuse on their tumblr page.

Echoing Christa’s feelings, the conference and Aromantic Aces discussion was very energizing. Being able to connect with other like-minded people, live, around the world was inspiring and comforting during a difficult period due to the stay-at-home orders. The organizers did an excellent job of ensuring global involvement and representation of the diversity of Aspec and Arospec experiences. Everyone should watch for information on the next conference which will coincide with World Pride Sydney 2023

Papo Aromantic